“They’re Cold, They’re Warm…”: Rethinking the Cultural Perceptions of Emotional Restraint
- Adam Raelson
- Jan 6
- 4 min read
Updated: Feb 28
When we travel, interact with foreigners in new lands, or experience local customer service, it’s almost impossible not to notice how individuals may express — or restrain — their emotions. Why do some cultures seem to exude warmth and expressiveness, while others appear more reserved or stoic? This striking contrast forms the basis of one of the most easily recognizable cultural dimensions: emotional restraint.
At CultureComms Consulting, we explore this dimension of "restraint" in a focused way, distinct from the renowned culture expert Geert Hofstede’s broader concept of "indulgence" or Richard Lewis’ linear models. While Hofstede’s research ties indulgence to the control of desires and impulses and even associates it insofar as societal cynicism, and Lewis’ linear models combine emotional expression with other aspects like time and directness, CultureComms sees this as more nuanced and narrows the lens to examine restraint through the lens of (in)appropriate emotional expression. High restraint cultures may be perceived by others as "reserved", "stand-offish", or the oft-feared word “cold”, with limited public emotional display. In contrast, low restraint cultures may be perceived by others as "outwardly expressive", and "passionate”, maybe even “touchy”.
Warmth vs. Competence on an Individual Basis and Emotional Restraint on a Cultural Level
Charismatic communications expert and founder of The Science of People, Vanessa Van Edwards, in her book Cues, delves into the individual personality traits of “warmth” and “competence”. She explains that an individual’s charisma comes from the perfect union of warmth and competence, but showing too much warmth without the right amount of competence may come off as too friendly, inauthentic, or even flakey, while emphasizing competence too heavily may seem cold, stoic, or even suspicious. We at CultureComms observe that these dynamics apply not just on an individual level but also manifest on a macro scale, shaping our perceptions of entire cultures in the dimension of emotional “restraint”. Knowing how to adjust to these societal norms can therefore help you succeed when this dimension becomes apparent.
For example, many Central and Eastern European cultures often publicly exhibit high emotional restraint. Singing in the street, dancing in a town square, or overtly friendly smiles during transactions might be considered strange, inappropriate, off-putting, or antisocial.
In many East Asian cultures, emotional restraint is often closely tied to the concept of "saving face." Over-displaying emotions, whether positive or negative, can risk upsetting the delicate social harmony, thus making restraint a societal imperative.
By contrast, in low emotional restraint cultures like Brazil, the Philippines, or much of Latin America, such behaviors are often seen as normal in certain settings. In many African and Caribbean societies, public displays of joy — dancing, clapping, or even weeping — are commonplace and generally culturally acceptable in certain contexts.
Many Cultural Stereotypes We Hold Are Partially Influenced By Perceptions of Emotional “Restraint”
Among all the cultural dimensions that we explore at CultureComms, the dimension of restraint is particularly powerful in forming cultural stereotypes. That’s because it tends to be that gut feeling we often get about others when we encounter them. "They’re so cold," we might think, or "They’re so warm!" These reactions, while common, are misleading. No manifestation of a cultural dimension is inherently better or worse than another and the perceptions of warmth and reservation are only surface-level.
It’s important to remember that even within cultures that lean toward high or low emotional restraint, individuals may express emotions in different ways due to their unique personalities, life experiences, and even subcultures within the same society. CultureComms reiterates that wherever we are in the world, we meet individuals first and foremost, not cultural caricatures. Diversity and individuality within each culture are vast.
Why Are Cultures the Way They Are?
Restraint, like other cultural dimensions, doesn’t arise in a vacuum. Geography, climate, history, and politics all play significant roles in shaping how cultures express emotion. Historical events and political regimes can also influence whether a culture prioritizes emotional control or expressiveness. This is why culture is a living, dynamic thing – and even within the same country, culture may change over the years.
Practical Tips for Navigating Restraint
Understanding restraint can improve cross-cultural interactions, whether for business or personal relationships. Here are some of our tips to help you navigate emotional restraint across cultures:
Just because a culture appears "warm" doesn’t mean it lacks depth or authenticity. Similarly, a culture that seems "cold" often expresses love, warmth, and hospitality in more subtle or intimate ways.
Be prepared to adjust your emotional expression depending on the cultural context. In high restraint cultures, reducing overt emotions can help build trust and respect. In low restraint cultures, showing enthusiasm and openness can foster stronger connections.
Pay attention to how locals interact with each other and try to match their level of emotional expression in those scenarios. It might feel unnatural to you, but adjusting your style will ultimately reduce your stress and avoid any uncomfortable situations, even if unintended.
Cultural norms are guidelines, not rules. Each individual you meet may differ from the norm.
Research the cultural context before traveling or working with people from different backgrounds. Knowing what to expect allows you to adapt effectively and avoid misunderstandings. Reach out to CultureComms for support with this.
Take some time to study the current and past geographic and political situations of the country you are interested in. It usually sheds light into why the cultures have developed as such.
The cultural dimension of restraint is one of the most immediately apparent differences we notice when interacting across cultures. While it’s especially easy to form stereotypes from this perceived dimension, it’s far more rewarding to dig deeper into the societal and individual factors that shape emotional expression. By respecting and adapting to cultural norms, we unlock the ability to connect meaningfully across the globe.
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